Faith Infiltration: Trinity Assembly of God Church
Well folks, this is the 27th church or religious event we’ve infiltrated. For those of you who don’t know, Flimsy and I regularly visit different churches or religious events and report on our experiences. We look at the general atmosphere of the church or event we’re attending, and then listen to the speakers or congregants to see what kinds of things are important to them. Here, we comment on what we see. This is something like credopology. You can find all of our other Faith Infiltrations here. We’ve also taken to Twittering our church experiences live, so you should follow us on Twitter here.
Today we visited the Trinity Assembly of God Church, which is part of the charismatic movement.
We entered the church, and already people were singing an uplifting hymn, the central theme of which was glorifying Jesus. The church sanctuary was small and filled to capacity with about 150 chairs. There were perhaps 75 people in the congregation. They were all white and mostly middle aged, with a scant few older folks and fewer young people or children. It was brightly lit and had an informal feel to it, though most people were well-dressed.
On the ceiling, several flags ran down the center aisle. About 15 identically constructed and golden-colored wall-hangings read, “Jehovah”, but the crowning glory of décor in the sanctuary was an American flag with the Ten Commandments in place of the fifty stars.
As the congregation sang another song, the theme of which was “brokenness is what you want from me”, the pastor walked to the front of the stage, asking his congregation if they were “glad to be holy because Jesus is holy”. He asked them to all raise their hands to acknowledge Jesus’ holiness. His congregation obeyed, raising their hands.
In front of us, an old woman stood. Seated next to her was her husband. They held hands lovingly, gently caressing each other’s paper-thin skin. The pastor began whistling the tune of the song, now a slower one proclaiming love for Jesus. As the song ended, a woman near the back began speaking in tongues rather loudly. She spoke in tongues for a few seconds while everyone remained silent, and then a man seated near the front spoke as if translating her tongue – it was a blessing from Jesus, he said. Flimsy and I exchanged an incredulous look.
As the song ended, the pastor told his congregation to whistle as the song played again. He proclaimed that this would be a sacrifice to Jesus, and Jesus and the angels would not care how they sounded, but they should praise god by whistling. The congregants whistled the tune of the song, and the pastor proclaimed that the all angels up in heaven must have stopped and taken notice, wondering why this church was whistling.
During the greeting time, a woman shook our hands and asked us if we were new. We told her we were new, and let her know we go to different churches every week and then report our experiences. She was interested in this and told us that she was new to the neighborhood and wanted to know more about churches in the area, so she asked for our web address. We gave her a business card, telling her we report from a different perspective than she might expect, given that we are atheists.
Interestingly, she did not seem taken aback or surprised. She proclaimed that god might perhaps touch us, and asked if we had been to a Pentecostal church before. We had. She told us openly and happily that we should convert, because “there are a lot of atheists in this area” and if we converted, we could be a good resource for the church to reach out to other atheists. It always amazes me when people hear that we’ve gone to 20-something churches and still think we might convert somehow, or think their god is calling to us or trying to touch us. We’ve found a lot of nice, caring people within the walls of these churches, but thus far we’ve seen nothing supernatural. I also don’t think we’ll ever be used as tools to convert other atheists.
Greeting time ended, and the pastor informed visitors that this church does not pass an offering plate around. Rather, they have offering plates sitting near the front of the church. I’ve come to appreciate churches that downplay offerings.
Before the sermon (by a guest speaker) began, the pastor told his congregation that his god does not care how much faith we have in him, we will be healed simply by being in his presence. Yay! I didn’t know it worked like that.
After this, the pastor told his congregation that even though we like singing hymns we are accustomed to, his god does not want us to worship in comfort – he wants us to worship with our whole being, which sometimes means being uncomfortable.
“Being uncomfortable” in this case meant singing along to a video of a black preacher singing R&B style hymn.
On to the sermon!
The guest pastor was apparently an individual who had lived in New York and Alaska. He had the personality of the most stereotypical New York pro baseball player turned middle-aged pastor, which is exactly who he was - handlebar mustache, big hands, gruff voice and all. His sermon was a rambling hodgepodge of loosely strung together stories, ideas and pithy-sounding but ultimately useless soundbytes and phrases. He said a lot of things like (in this order):
“There’s nothing you can do to make god stop loving you. You can even go to hell and he’ll still love you.”
“These are crucial times where we can draw parallels between the spiritual realm and the natural realm.”
“I don’t want to get political on you guys but god is not against the government. We need more government, but a government of god.”
“If a country loses the influence of god, it suffers. Lack of god equals poverty. In godly countries, people prosper.”
“God only shows up in countries where he is celebrated, not just tolerated”
“The medical definition of anything that doesn’t change is death.”
“The good old days were good because they weren’t old.”
“You once were a sinner, now you’re a winner.”
“If you lose, you choose to lose.”
“I’m not here to beat you down, I’m here to beat you u.p”
“If you do the right things and think the right things, you’ll see god.”
“An accident can change your life forever but so can a miracle.”
“I liked it when men were men and women were women and I could tell the difference.”
He told his congregation several stories about how he had influenced people to change their lives. One story was about a guy he knew in college who never showered. One day the guy asked the speaker to introduce him to a pretty girl, and he told him no – because you stink! The guy apparently had a “vision” (realizing he smelled bad) and so cleaned himself up and ended up marrying the girl.
In another story, he talked about how he was the first person in his family to be saved, and he went on to help the rest of his 90+ relatives be saved as well. He used these two stories as examples of how “if you don’t have a vision, you’re life stinks” and “once one person in a family is saved, it’s destiny for the whole family to be saved”.
Moving on haphazardly, he spoke of how we’re supposed to be a Christian nation, but we’re not. He recalled that 50 years ago when he was a teen, divorce rates were extremely low because we were all more Christian back then, even though there were a lot of miserable marriages. There were no television shows with people sleeping in the same bed, but now he’s happy when it’s a “same sex couple” in the bed. Clearly, he thought it was better to stay in a miserable marriage than get a divorce, because getting a divorce means backing down on your sacred covenant with god to remain faithful no matter how bad your partnership becomes. Obviously, he also has a problem with same-sex relationships.
Moving back to stories of himself, he talked about how he was looking for a job, had prayed for god to create a job for him, and then had gotten a job somewhere because the hiring manager knew he was a member of the church. He told a story about how he converted the entire company to Christianity.
In yet another story, he spoke of how he forced a foul-mouthed contractor to agree to listen to him preach for five minutes before handing over his paycheck. He preached to this contractor for years, and then finally left the company. Five years later he called the foul-mouthed contractor to give him a job, only to find he had converted to Christianity after nearly leaving his wife, he and his wife had adopted children from Russia, and were now moving back to Russia to start an orphanage.
His whole sermon seemed to lack a particular point or focus, so it’s hard to really comment on anything specific as there were so many stories and random proclamations. Finally, after a whirlwind of stream of consciousness preaching, he ended by saying “there is no party like a holy ghost party” and told everyone that if they needed help to influence the world outside, they should come up and pray.” At this many members of the congregation came to the front of the sanctuary, and a cacophony of voices, saying “hallelujah” or speaking on tongues rose above a gentle guitar serenade.
A sign above the door on our way out read, “Now entering the missionary field”.
Today we visited the Trinity Assembly of God Church, which is part of the charismatic movement.
We entered the church, and already people were singing an uplifting hymn, the central theme of which was glorifying Jesus. The church sanctuary was small and filled to capacity with about 150 chairs. There were perhaps 75 people in the congregation. They were all white and mostly middle aged, with a scant few older folks and fewer young people or children. It was brightly lit and had an informal feel to it, though most people were well-dressed.
On the ceiling, several flags ran down the center aisle. About 15 identically constructed and golden-colored wall-hangings read, “Jehovah”, but the crowning glory of décor in the sanctuary was an American flag with the Ten Commandments in place of the fifty stars.
As the congregation sang another song, the theme of which was “brokenness is what you want from me”, the pastor walked to the front of the stage, asking his congregation if they were “glad to be holy because Jesus is holy”. He asked them to all raise their hands to acknowledge Jesus’ holiness. His congregation obeyed, raising their hands.
In front of us, an old woman stood. Seated next to her was her husband. They held hands lovingly, gently caressing each other’s paper-thin skin. The pastor began whistling the tune of the song, now a slower one proclaiming love for Jesus. As the song ended, a woman near the back began speaking in tongues rather loudly. She spoke in tongues for a few seconds while everyone remained silent, and then a man seated near the front spoke as if translating her tongue – it was a blessing from Jesus, he said. Flimsy and I exchanged an incredulous look.
As the song ended, the pastor told his congregation to whistle as the song played again. He proclaimed that this would be a sacrifice to Jesus, and Jesus and the angels would not care how they sounded, but they should praise god by whistling. The congregants whistled the tune of the song, and the pastor proclaimed that the all angels up in heaven must have stopped and taken notice, wondering why this church was whistling.
During the greeting time, a woman shook our hands and asked us if we were new. We told her we were new, and let her know we go to different churches every week and then report our experiences. She was interested in this and told us that she was new to the neighborhood and wanted to know more about churches in the area, so she asked for our web address. We gave her a business card, telling her we report from a different perspective than she might expect, given that we are atheists.
Interestingly, she did not seem taken aback or surprised. She proclaimed that god might perhaps touch us, and asked if we had been to a Pentecostal church before. We had. She told us openly and happily that we should convert, because “there are a lot of atheists in this area” and if we converted, we could be a good resource for the church to reach out to other atheists. It always amazes me when people hear that we’ve gone to 20-something churches and still think we might convert somehow, or think their god is calling to us or trying to touch us. We’ve found a lot of nice, caring people within the walls of these churches, but thus far we’ve seen nothing supernatural. I also don’t think we’ll ever be used as tools to convert other atheists.
Greeting time ended, and the pastor informed visitors that this church does not pass an offering plate around. Rather, they have offering plates sitting near the front of the church. I’ve come to appreciate churches that downplay offerings.
Before the sermon (by a guest speaker) began, the pastor told his congregation that his god does not care how much faith we have in him, we will be healed simply by being in his presence. Yay! I didn’t know it worked like that.
After this, the pastor told his congregation that even though we like singing hymns we are accustomed to, his god does not want us to worship in comfort – he wants us to worship with our whole being, which sometimes means being uncomfortable.
“Being uncomfortable” in this case meant singing along to a video of a black preacher singing R&B style hymn.
On to the sermon!
The guest pastor was apparently an individual who had lived in New York and Alaska. He had the personality of the most stereotypical New York pro baseball player turned middle-aged pastor, which is exactly who he was - handlebar mustache, big hands, gruff voice and all. His sermon was a rambling hodgepodge of loosely strung together stories, ideas and pithy-sounding but ultimately useless soundbytes and phrases. He said a lot of things like (in this order):
“There’s nothing you can do to make god stop loving you. You can even go to hell and he’ll still love you.”
“These are crucial times where we can draw parallels between the spiritual realm and the natural realm.”
“I don’t want to get political on you guys but god is not against the government. We need more government, but a government of god.”
“If a country loses the influence of god, it suffers. Lack of god equals poverty. In godly countries, people prosper.”
“God only shows up in countries where he is celebrated, not just tolerated”
“The medical definition of anything that doesn’t change is death.”
“The good old days were good because they weren’t old.”
“You once were a sinner, now you’re a winner.”
“If you lose, you choose to lose.”
“I’m not here to beat you down, I’m here to beat you u.p”
“If you do the right things and think the right things, you’ll see god.”
“An accident can change your life forever but so can a miracle.”
“I liked it when men were men and women were women and I could tell the difference.”
He told his congregation several stories about how he had influenced people to change their lives. One story was about a guy he knew in college who never showered. One day the guy asked the speaker to introduce him to a pretty girl, and he told him no – because you stink! The guy apparently had a “vision” (realizing he smelled bad) and so cleaned himself up and ended up marrying the girl.
In another story, he talked about how he was the first person in his family to be saved, and he went on to help the rest of his 90+ relatives be saved as well. He used these two stories as examples of how “if you don’t have a vision, you’re life stinks” and “once one person in a family is saved, it’s destiny for the whole family to be saved”.
Moving on haphazardly, he spoke of how we’re supposed to be a Christian nation, but we’re not. He recalled that 50 years ago when he was a teen, divorce rates were extremely low because we were all more Christian back then, even though there were a lot of miserable marriages. There were no television shows with people sleeping in the same bed, but now he’s happy when it’s a “same sex couple” in the bed. Clearly, he thought it was better to stay in a miserable marriage than get a divorce, because getting a divorce means backing down on your sacred covenant with god to remain faithful no matter how bad your partnership becomes. Obviously, he also has a problem with same-sex relationships.
Moving back to stories of himself, he talked about how he was looking for a job, had prayed for god to create a job for him, and then had gotten a job somewhere because the hiring manager knew he was a member of the church. He told a story about how he converted the entire company to Christianity.
In yet another story, he spoke of how he forced a foul-mouthed contractor to agree to listen to him preach for five minutes before handing over his paycheck. He preached to this contractor for years, and then finally left the company. Five years later he called the foul-mouthed contractor to give him a job, only to find he had converted to Christianity after nearly leaving his wife, he and his wife had adopted children from Russia, and were now moving back to Russia to start an orphanage.
His whole sermon seemed to lack a particular point or focus, so it’s hard to really comment on anything specific as there were so many stories and random proclamations. Finally, after a whirlwind of stream of consciousness preaching, he ended by saying “there is no party like a holy ghost party” and told everyone that if they needed help to influence the world outside, they should come up and pray.” At this many members of the congregation came to the front of the sanctuary, and a cacophony of voices, saying “hallelujah” or speaking on tongues rose above a gentle guitar serenade.
A sign above the door on our way out read, “Now entering the missionary field”.
Labels: atheism, blasphemy, culture, faith infiltration, politics
posted by Ziztur
at
8:00 AM
3 Comments:
"there is no party like a holy ghost party"
I don't doubt that.
There's no god like his god either.
"In yet another story, he spoke of how he forced a foul-mouthed contractor to agree to listen to him preach for five minutes before handing over his paycheck"
I'd be more than foul mouthed if someone pulled that on me. I can't help but wonder if he was foul mouthed before or because an asshole was playing carrot and stick to force religious views down his throat. Give the poor bastard his money.
So...apparently spazzing out has become worship now? Man who knew I was so religious during puberty.
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